From Robert Tucker, Sallie Mae agent:
Your student loan payment is seriously past due! We have tried unsuccessfully to contact you about this important matter. It is critical that you take care of your past-due student loan immediately.
This really speaks to how wildly perspectives can vary. To you, my student loans are seriously past due. To me, my student loans are hilariously past due. It should be noted, I think, that as the only male descendent of deposed, exiled Bavarian royalty (to one day reascend to the throne, I assure you), I am protected from loan defaults by a permanent state of forbearance by the Foreign Sovereign Immunity Act of 1976. Come to think of it, I haven’t had so much as a sniffle—let alone a cold—since our family fled the raving villagers with their torches and pitchforks. I’ve come to suspect that I could do away with the condoms altogether. If only the government opened up Foreign Sovereign Immunity to the public at large, imagine how healthcare costs would plummet!
Although you haven’t mentioned any such action, I feel it is incumbent upon me to remind you that in the case of The Schooner Exchange v. M’Faddon, the Supreme Court in 1812 concluded that you cannot sue me for title and possession of my war ship. I’ve read, though, that in 1815, M’Faddon was able to successfully sue for the return of the missing ‘c’ in his name.
Yours In Royalty,
His Inestimable Highness, the Prinzregent of Bavaria (deceased)